I had twelve bottles of whisky in my cellar, and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink-or else. So I said I would, then proceeded with the unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the liquor down the sink, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I pulled the cork from the second bottle and did likewise, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whisky down the sink, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink of it, and poured the rest down the glass.
I pulled the sink out of the next glass, and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.
When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand and counted the glasses, corks, bottles and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine; and as the house came by, I counted them again, and finally had all the house in one bottle which I drank.
I am not under the affluence of incohol, but some thinkle peep I am. I am not half as thunk as you may drink. I fool so feelish, and don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here the longer I get . . . hic.
Source: Talkback Trash and Treasure (R&R, 199)
Applications: alcohol, drunkenness